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Sunday, July 04, 2010

G. A. S.

We are moving. And because we are moving Everything, we are bound to uncover things long lost that we had mostly forgotten about. And that just happened. While I was digging through the back closet today, I found this:


What the heck is that?, you might ask.

That is a Give-A-Shitter.... wherein lies a tale.

Way back in the Dark Ages I had a job that was a really rotten job. The folks I was working with were real fine folks, but the folks I was working for were jerks. After a while of being jerked around by the jerks, I told someone that my Give-A-Shitter was broken.... meaning that I didn't give one any more. That quip resulted in a query about what one of those would look like, if I had one. So I drew one on my white board. It had a hopper on the top into which one could put stuff, and a funnel on the side out of which the .... um.. "material" would be produced. It also had a crank on the side to make the whole thing work.

MIne, I attested, no longer worked and I did not give a....

That drawing remained on my white board for a long time, and we had some good laughs about it.... and then stuff happened, and I found another job at a startup company, and I handed in my resignation, and we had the usual Going Away Lunch, and at the lunch, this object showed up. Constructed out of fine, exotic woods and brazing rod, it was my very own, fully functional G. A. S. in perfect working order. The plaque on the base panel says "FIXED 12-12-83", which was the date of my departure from the company.

On the bottom of the base it says,


Wow! What a blast from the past!

I have heard from Mick since those days. Mick is the inventor of the Driving Safety Spike, as you all know.

As for the other guys, thanks, guys. If you see this, let me know what you have been up to!

Sunday, June 13, 2010

Umbrella 1; Me 0:

Just a quick update.

After I dried out a bit, I decided to try out the new umbrella. It turns out that the tie wraps were not holding it closed after all. They are just holding one of the straps out of the way. So I could have used it anyway.

So, the umbrella wins another round. These umbrellas are tricky.

Posted by Brian S. Kimerer at 8:34 PM
Categories: Cheap Philosophy

Back In The Game

I am back in the umbrella game. This time I bought a brand name, Totes:


While I was walking back to the car with my new umbrella, it began to rain. Fortunately I had my new umbrella. Unfortunately, it was tie-wrapped shut (see photo).

This does not bode well for my battle against the Umbrella.

Oh well. Start the clock.

Posted by Brian S. Kimerer at 2:42 PM
Categories: Cheap Philosophy

Sunday, June 06, 2010

Lifetime Warranty

Whose lifetime?

The new umbrella that I purchased on May 23 (see my entry on that date) has failed.

It was raining pitchforks and sawlogs today, but fortunately I had my new umbrella with me. Unfortunately, it will not stay open. The mechanism that holds the umbrella open has failed. Once open, it collapses immediately, no wind required. It lasted a total of 13 days. Go figure.

My new theory about umbrellas is that you get what you pay for.

Posted by Brian S. Kimerer at 11:01 PM
Categories: Cheap Philosophy

Sunday, May 23, 2010

Umbrella Reports

I sprung for a new umbrella. In order to test my theory about the relationship between the longevity of umbrellas and their length, I purchased the same brand that I got last time. This time I picked up the little 8 inch job again. The last 8 inch manual I had lasted a year. Here is a photo:


You can clearly see the claims of invulnerability on the package. The last two umbrellas made the same claims, and we all know how that turned out.

A fool and his money are soon parted.

Posted by Brian S. Kimerer at 8:26 PM
Categories: Cheap Philosophy

Wednesday, May 19, 2010

Umbrella Longevity Redux

Well, I have new data to report on the Umbrella Longevity project. For the back story, see my previous post:

Umbrella Longevity 

Today, my new, longer umbrella destroyed itself. The wind caught it, and it went inverted, and that was the end. The most frustrating thing about this is that right on the package, it says "NEW WINDPROOF DESIGN", and "IF UMBRELLA BECOMES INVERTED PULL DOWN ON RUNNER TO SNAP BACK IN PLACE".

I bought this umbrella Jan 25th of this year, so it lasted just under four months.... wrecking my hypothesis that longer umbrellas last longer.

I am at a loss as to what to do next.

Posted by Brian S. Kimerer at 7:05 PM
Categories: Cheap Philosophy

Comment from me again on Thursday 20th May 2010 09:58:32 PM
Move to the desert?? :-))

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